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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24699274">The Spider and the Fly</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/libraryofruina/pseuds/libraryofruina'>libraryofruina</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Persona 5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>3rd Persona Awakening, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, M/M, Royal Spoilers, listen if atlus isn't going to write this scene then i fucking will</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:40:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,655</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24699274</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/libraryofruina/pseuds/libraryofruina</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Anger is a strange thing, sometimes. Ren knew he had a good handle on his own--he had to. One wrong move and they’d lock him up again, any excuse for it, really. He needs to be calm, he needs to be controlled. He’s the Phantom Thieves' leader, after all, although recently it didn’t seem to mean much.</p><p>Or matter at all, really.</p><p>OR: Joker awakens to his third-tier Persona.<br/>OR: Atlus won't let Joker go apeshit, so I will.</p><p>[updated as of july to add a few paragraphs]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amamiya Ren &amp; Phantom Thieves of Hearts, Amamiya Ren/Akechi Goro - Implied, Kurusu Akira &amp; Phantom Thieves of Hearts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>340</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Quality Persona Fics</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Spider and the Fly</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i know it's in the tags too but this fic contains major spoilers for p5r! if you haven't gotten to third sem yet, this will spoil you, so please take caution! and with that warning out of the way... enjoy! also this isn't beta'd so if you see any mistakes? no you don't</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em> “I’ll be waiting for you,” </em> Ren had said, to each and every one of them. The words hung heavy on his tongue and lurked there, the aftertaste like bitter medicine, dripping down his throat as slow and as steady as molasses. He kept eye contact with all of them, lowering his gaze, steel grey eyes meeting theirs. He didn’t look away. <em> “I’ll be waiting for you,”  </em>He had said.</p><p>And he had believed it.</p><p>“So, you came,” Akechi starts, tucking away his phone in his jacket pocket. He glances at Ren up and down. A knowing look rests in his eyes and they narrow. He tilts his head to the side, amusement dancing in his voice. “...Based on the look in your eyes, I’m guessing your friends aren’t going to be of any use to us.”</p><p>Ren resists the urge to roll his eyes, instead raising his forefingers up to rub in-between his brows, thinly veiled irritation obvious in his every movement. “I told them I’d be waiting for them.”</p><p>“Too bad we don’t have that much time to spend waiting,” Akechi replies, that shit-eating grin making its way on his face. Ren sighs. “As much as we’d both like to, there’s no point in griping about it out here, is there?” As he speaks, white breaths release from his lips into the air. It’s cold, colder more so than the words Ren wants to say, but doesn’t.</p><p>Instead, he holds it in. He reels it in. Anger is a strange thing, sometimes. Ren knew he had a good handle on his own--he had to. One wrong move and they’d lock him up again, any excuse for it, really. He needs to be calm, he needs to be controlled. He’s the Phantom Thieves leader, after all, even though recently it didn’t seem to mean much.</p><p>Or matter at all, really. </p><p><em> “I’ll be waiting for you,” </em>He had said. His words remain on his tongue, the taste not yet gone, despite the amount of time that had passed between when he said them and now. Ren simply grits his teeth and sighs. </p><p>“Are you ready?” Akechi asks, although he’s already half-turned towards the entrance of the manifested Palace. “As I mentioned yesterday, it’s quite likely that we’ll have to confront Maruki physically. If you’re not prepared for such a contingency, then please go and take care of your affairs as quickly as--”</p><p>“No need.” Ren interrupts, taking a step forward, further than Akechi. He doesn’t look back. “Let’s go, Akechi.”</p><p>Akechi laughs, the condensation from his breaths filling the air as the two of them walk forward, not looking back once. The leap between their world and the cognitive world is less strange, less jarring than it ever was, but somehow much more than before. It felt like walking from a room with white walls to a room with walls a shade darker. There wasn’t much difference. It was all so strange.</p><p>As soon as they properly enter the fray, an announcement kicks up, the tinny sound of speakers echoing throughout the entire area. Joker and Crow look up, staring at the source of the sound. </p><p><em> “VIP patients identified. We will now begin the grand tour…” </em> The speakers seem to have a life of their own, their tentacle-like tendrils moving with each passing second, writhing and twitching like they’re alive and breathing. <em> “The auditorium is now open. The master awaits you there… With the patient you seek. Please enter through the door on the left-hand side of the Entrance Hall.” </em></p><p>“Just like I thought,” Crow says, his thin grin visible through his beak-like armor. “They’re politely informing us of their location.”</p><p>Joker glances over in the direction of the specified door. “Do you think they’ll offer us those gowns? Or complimentary hospital food?” </p><p>“I certainly hope not.” He replies, following the other male’s gaze. “That’s the door, isn’t it? Let’s go, shall we? No time to waste.” </p><p>Joker tugs at his gloves, eyes narrowing beneath his mask as he takes in the surroundings. It felt unusual to be infiltrating  a Palace without the Phantom Thieves--it felt strange to be entering a Palace with only Crow by his side. They tear through the enemies easily; Satanael and Loki make for a horrifying team, mowing down Shadows like lawnmowers through blades of grass.</p><p>They make note of a Safe Room, but otherwise continue on their way. Joker notes another door, across from the one they’re heading through. It seemed to have some sort of lock. Habitually, he feels his hand dip into his pockets, searching for anything they might to unlock the door. A keycard, perhaps. But they haven’t spent long enough in this Palace yet to obtain one. </p><p>Joker stares at their reflections, distorted in the decorative glass adorning the door. He notes Crow’s casual pose, sword held at the ready in his left hand, head cocked to the side. He’s armed, dangerous--and more than that, he’s careless. He’s not holding back anything anymore. In some ways, it’s a relief. In other ways, it’s cutting. For the longest time, all Ren wanted out of Akechi was for him to be honest. </p><p>But now that he is, Ren isn’t quite sure how to move forward from here. He’s had a lot of moments like that, recently. Moments where he wasn’t sure what to do next. But, he can’t lie to himself. He’s grateful for Akechi’s presence with him now, here, in the Palace. It’s grounding. It’s real. Someone else is there, not lost in the reality Maruki had thrust upon them.</p><p>...If Akechi wasn’t there, and Ren truly was alone in realizing the truth of their new reality, he wonders if he could have stayed afloat, all on his own. Was there any way he could have resisted it, without Akechi’s cutting words, his brutal truths, a stark contrast from his old, crowd-pleasing, Detective Prince mask? </p><p>Like many things, recently, Ren doesn’t know the answer. </p><p>Joker pulls the door to the auditorium open. It takes a minute for his eyes to adjust from the stark contrast of colors. Moments ago, it was all pure white, blinding, brilliant--and now it’s pitch dark, the black curtains on the walls seeming to be made out of silk. Stainless steel adorns the rails of the stairs, and as they make their descent, Joker notes that he can see his own reflection in them. He looks at himself, studying his expression. </p><p><em> “I’ll be waiting for you,”  </em>He had said. Looking at himself, now, was he making the same expression? Did that change anything? Would that have changed anything? </p><p>Crow follows behind him. As they walk down further, the ground they’re walking on changes to a light colored tile, or perhaps cobblestone, with flowers growing on either side of their path. There’s a large, octagonal space in front of them. Joker can feel it, he can sense it. He turns his head, meeting eyes with Crow. They nod at each other, and walk forward.</p><p>A light flicks on. The pair of them cover their eyes, waiting to adjust to the light. The darkness changes to a blinding brightness, a crowd filling the once empty seats of the auditorium. Sitting on a cerulean blue throne with intricate detailing is Sumire, slumped in her seat. Her eyes are closed. She looks exhausted.</p><p>Feathers fall down from the ceiling. Even when Joker looks up, he can’t pinpoint the exact location they’re coming from. Perhaps it doesn’t matter.</p><p>“Thank you for coming.” Maruki has a gentle smile on his face, the same smile he’d used when speaking to Ren many times before. It makes something rise up in his chest. Irritation. How many times now, had he trusted an adult, a mentor figure of any kind, only for them to turn around and have been using him the entire time? How many times now? And how many more?</p><p>Joker clenches his fists. “What happened to Sumire?” He looks at her again. She looks tired, so tired, her head lolling forward, pink lips pressed into a fine line.</p><p>“She’s only sleeping,” Maruki explains, resting one hand on the arm of the chair. “I’ve never had any intention of hurting her. Once her inner turmoil begins to settle, I’ll have her remember her life as she wishes to live it.”</p><p>Why’d he even trust Maruki in the first place? Because he needed to? Because he was kind, with soft eyes, saying he wanted to help? He wanted what was best? Was it the snacks, or the way he’d treated Ren as an equal, as a partner, as a friend, as a… </p><p>“The life that she wishes for, huh?” Crow’s voice drowns in malice, disgust evident. “Call it what you like--you’re merely <em> brainwashing </em> people for your own self-satisfaction.”</p><p>The worst part is, Maruki did want to help. Somehow, that was much, much worse than him having clear-cut ill intentions. It was so much--it was so much easier to accept, somehow, if someone was just terrible, vicious, toxic. That was easier to accept than someone who meant well, but was doing wrong.</p><p>...Brainwashing. Ren can’t help but wonder just how different the two of them are. </p><p>“I’m wholly aware that some will interpret my acts in that way… But if that self-satisfaction leads to the happiness of thousands of others, don’t you agree that outcome is for the best?” He pauses, his gaze landing on Joker, their eyes meeting. “If I understand correctly, you went and checked in on your friends this past week.”</p><p>Joker feels like he’s been hit in the most unexpected angle. It doesn’t come as a shock Maruki knows that. He was this reality’s puppetmaster, after all! Of course he knew. Of course he did.</p><p>“This reality is the one that they all wished for… Did any of them seem troubled by that fact?”</p><p>Ren thinks back.</p><p>
  <em> Ryuji’s voice, his broad grin. Ren had grown used to it, grown fond of it. He wanted his best friend to always smile. He was surrounded by his track friends--Ren didn’t remember their names, now. He’d only talked to them briefly in the first place. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Aw, you’re still jumping the gun with this! I’m just trying my best so I don’t get laughed off the team by you guys.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Was that why he was trying? Why he was fighting? Was that the only reason? So others wouldn’t laugh at him? What about his vow? That what the world thought of him didn’t matter, his flag of rebellion raised, determined to do what was right. Not for fame, not for glory.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Had that flag fallen, now? </em>
</p><p>Maruki speaks, measured and slow. “This reality is the ‘True Reality’--all you have to do is recognize it as such. Once you do, you’ll be just as happy as they are. Didn’t you see it yourselves? Your friends don’t just want to live these lives--they want you to choose this reality for yourselves and live happily, too.”</p><p>
  <em> Ann and Shiho standing side by side seemed almost like a picture, a moment frozen in time for all of eternity. In a world where Kamoshida didn’t hurt them. They’re happy, love shining in their eyes like the snowflakes falling from the sky outside. Ann’s smile is wide. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I was so sad when she transferred for her parents’ jobs, but all’s well that ends well!”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ann’s rage burned and boiled like the flames that came forth from Carmen’s--Hecate’s form, her fury at the injustice in the world was her guiding light, her kindness and love, the desire to protect and the desire to get revenge by making things right. That was her ‘justice’, wasn’t it? But what was the point in it now?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> In a world where her beloved Shiho had lost nothing, what was there to take? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The ‘Sayuri’--or maybe that wasn’t it’s name anymore--hung on the wall, Yusuke gazing at it with soft, loving eyes. His smile hadn’t changed, although it was… kinder, more free. Would the art he produced be different now? The art painted with the blood pouring from the wounds his life’s hardships had caused.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “But thanks to my sensei’s patronage, each day brings me closer to painting such an impactful work.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Regardless of their beauty, hadn’t he sworn to forgo all imitations? </em>
</p><p>“Please,” Maruki says, his eyebrows furrowed. “I want you to understand. For their sake, as well as yours…”</p><p>
  <em> Makoto and Sae stare at each other, matching grins on their lips. The brown haired girl smiles, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m just so thrilled for him--it’s like he’s finally getting the recognition that he deserves.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Hadn’t she been sick and tired of being used? Playing the good girl? Being who they wanted her to be, a mouthpiece for twisted adults who were too pathetic to act on their own? The voice that spoke to her that day, reminding her to never lose sight of her justice… </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Had that voice quieted, now? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Futaba looks so much like Wakaba, acts like her too, in her movements, her expressions--it’s strange, really, to see someone who looks and acts so much like Ren’s defacto little sister. The love that shines in Sojiro’s eyes as he gazes at them both is undeniable.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Back to LeBlanc, people--it’s curry time!” She seems so happy as she speaks. He’d bet she ran all the way back to LeBlanc, not looking back once. What about that day in the desert heat, the strange sun beating down on them, surrounded by visages made from Futaba’s own mind, her own heart. She had promised to never lose sight of the truth again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Where did her gaze lie now, now that it’s averted from the painful truth? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Haru’s laugh is gentle, kind, like a breath of fresh air. Her arm’s linked with her father’s. “Oh, father--is that jealousy I’m detecting?” Her father looked at her with a kind and loving gaze. She was the most important thing in the world to him, in Maruki’s reality. He’d do anything for the sake of her smile. That betrayal is far gone, now--distant, muddled, gone. But it held no weight now. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Returned to her throne, there’s no need for betrayal in a happy kingdom.  </em>
</p><p>Joker squeezes his hands into fist, gnawing down on his lip. He doesn’t miss the way Crow looks over at him.</p><p><em> My friends want to stay in this reality? </em> Joker asks himself, aware of Crow’s eyes on him. <em> Is that really true? </em></p><p>
  <em> Morgana’s ankles are crossed as he rubs anxious circles into the back of his palm. He doesn’t lift his gaze up from the ground. “I got captured in Kamoshida’s Palace, and that’s when I met you guys… When we’d go into Mementos, I’d transform into a…” He trails off, his eyes growing wide. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Morgana, born as the embodiment of human hope, drawn to humanities distorted desires, but still pulled in by the allure of humanity, wishing he could join them, wishing he could be one of them, wishing for a place to belong, no matter who he or what he was. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Had he forgotten their acceptance?  </em>
</p><p>Maruki’s mouth is pressed into a flat line. He glances up somewhere, a distant look in his eyes. “Well, it’s time.”</p><p>Crow hisses out an irritated sigh.</p><p>Joker considers his choices.</p><p>
  <em> If I accept Maruki’s offer… My friends and I will be able to live happily in this reality he’s created… Or so he says… If we stay in this world, we could live happy lives, free from pain and suffering. But our new memories will be distorted to allow for the new circumstances. There’s probably no way to avoid that… </em>
</p><p>What did Ren want? He… wanted his friends to be happy, of course. He wanted them to be happy, he wanted them to live lives free of suffering, of pain, of hurt. He wanted to be able to protect them, he wanted to be there for them… But that would be looking down on them, wouldn’t it? To think they couldn’t live their lives, that they weren’t strong enough, and needed to be handheld, to be spoon fed happiness, a happy reality. Like they weren’t strong enough to handle struggle.</p><p>Their pain had made them stronger. Their pain had made them who they were. </p><p>This was just another adult forcing their ideals on them. When all’s said and done, that’s all it was, wasn’t it? But Maruki, Maruki wanted what was best for them. He didn’t want them to be hurt. He didn’t want them to have pain. He wanted them to live a life without sorrow. Ren couldn’t fault him for that. He couldn’t fault them, because in part, he understood. He understood better than anyone.</p><p>More than a few times he had wished he could steal away all that hurt his beloved Thieves, his place to belong, his home. He wished he could take all of their problems away so they could live happily. They’d never need to be hurt again. </p><p>“For the sake of Yoshizawa-san, and the rest of your friends… I ask you to give me your answer.”</p><p>Joker breathes out a sigh. There's only two options. He raises his head, meeting eyes with Maruki. "And what if I refuse?"</p><p>Maruki looks disappointed, but not surprised. "...Then, I suppose, we'd have to fight. But we don't have to, do we? Ren-kun, please, hear me out. If you--if you had a better <em> understanding </em>of my world, of this reality, then, I'm sure you'd agree--you want your friends to be happy, don't you? And they want the same for you, I'm sure of it!"</p><p>Crow clicks his tongue, spiteful grin on his lips. "As it stands, they don't quite care about him at all! <em> He </em>doesn't have any place in their lives now. So what would they care? If they did, they'd be here, wouldn't they?" He punctuates his questions with a turn of the head, that sly smile still affixed on his lips as he looks over at Joker.</p><p>"...Please. We don't have to fight. I don't want to hurt you. We can talk this out, can't we? Like we did before. Like we used to, Ren-kun, when you were helping me with my research. I meant everything I said. I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you, and--you, you of all people, the leader of the Phantom Thieves… You should understand best, right? You’re doing whatever needs to be done for the sake of the world! So, so--let’s talk this out, okay? We don’t need to fight!" </p><p>Maruki just wanted to do the right thing.</p><p>Anger was such a strange thing. </p><p>It boiled and it bubbled deep within Ren’s chest. He was angry--no, no, he wasn’t angry. That wasn’t enough. He was downright furious. He was so angry he could see red tinged at the edges of his vision, red mixing with the blinding white all around him. He’s furious at everything, at everyone. </p><p>At Yaldabaoth, putting them in this situation, for starting this whole game. At Maruki, for creating this world, equal parts kind and cruel. Ren clenches his fists, feeling his hands begin to shake. He’s furious at his teammates for falling for it, for falling prey to an illusion, no matter how wonderful the false reality may be.</p><p>He’s angry at Akechi and his foul mouth, berating Ren’s teammates every chance he got, he’s angry at the entire stupid Palace, all of the Shadows in it, angry at all of the stupid cognitions, desperate for an easy way out. He’s angry at himself for even considering it.</p><p>“You know what, Maruki? You want to talk this out, then fine! We can talk it out! We can sit down and talk about our feelings and have a fucking <em> tea party </em> while we’re at it!”</p><p>The air goes still.</p><p>This entire time--this entire time, this <em> entire </em> journey, Ren, Joker--he’s sheathed his rage. He’s accepted the punches as they came. He’s done what he needed to do, every single step of the way. He’d fought tooth and nail for his ‘justice’, and the entire time, he had done it with a cool-head, a calm expression, a gaze that betrayed no emotion.</p><p>But now? Now he’s angry. He can’t--he <em> won’t </em>--hold it back anymore. </p><p>Maruki looks shocked, scandalized even, at Ren’s sudden outburst. Because he knew that Ren was always calm, collected, level-headed, always composed. But not this time.</p><p>Crow cackles and says--something, something, but Joker isn’t listening. Something taunting, something crass, he says it with a grin and a wave of his clawed hands. Joker shoots him a glare, completely and totally unamused, completely and totally done with his shit.</p><p>“Goro,” He says, voice even. His usage of the detective’s first name revealed even further the gravity of the situation, the depth of his rage made evident. “Shut up. For two seconds. Can you do that? For two seconds? Shut up--just, shut your mouth. For me. Thanks in advance.” </p><p>Crow’s mouth falls open, eyes widening. He looks almost impressed.</p><p>Joker sighs. He thumbs his mask, taking it off, pushing it up into his curly black locks. He raises his gaze, ignoring Crow’s hiss. </p><p>“Here, see? No malicious intent. I can’t summon my Persona like this--not easily, at least, or without you noticing. If you want to talk so badly… then fine. Let’s talk, Maruki.” </p><p>The man looks genuinely nervous, set on edge by Ren’s forthright words and complete lack of fear, or hesitation, even though he should have known to expect that by now. He simply inhales and nods his head. “...Alright. I’ll go over my plan again. And then… you can decide if you’ll accept this reality willingly.”</p><p>And so he explains. He runs through it all again, words Ren already knows. He’s struck by the kindness, the genuine notes in Maruki’s voice--he really, really, wants what’s best for them--what he thinks what’s best. Ren can see it in his eyes, that he’s kind. He inhales. Exhales, nodding his head slowly, breathing deeply. </p><p>“You’re not actually considering this?” Crow hisses, and Joker shoots him a glare, effective in immediately shutting him up. He rolls his eyes, though, glaring forward at Maruki.</p><p>“Why can’t you see the benefits of this world?! Why can’t you just understand--”</p><p>Something snaps.</p><p>“Do you think I don’t understand?” Joker asks, simply, plainly. “Do you seriously--seriously fucking think that I don’t understand? Believe me, Doctor, I understand fucking better than anyone else! Do--do you think this is easy for me?! Do you think it’s <em> easy </em> for me to just throw away the world that my friends-- <em> my best friends </em> --the world that they want?! Do you think I’m unaware of just how <em> badly </em> they want this? Do you seriously think I’m that fucking stupid?!”</p><p>“N-no, I don’t think you’re stupid--”</p><p>“Don’t you dare.” Joker hisses. He takes a step closer. “Don’t you fucking dare say that to me, Maruki. Don’t you dare tell me that while you’re treating me like a fucking <em> idiot! </em>You listen to me, Maruki! I have been with my team and I know what they want. I know that they want this world, and even though part of me, deep down, blames them--blames them for falling for this illusion, for this fake reality…</p><p>“I can’t fault them for it. I understand. I do, I really do. Because you know what? Part of me wants this world too.” He pauses, sighs. He rubs in-between his brows, like he’s trying to iron out the furrows in his brows. His voice softens. It’s gentle, now. Kind. He continues, speaking softly. “Because I love them. I love all of them more than anything--more than anything else in this whole, entire world. My team is the world to me. And I would do anything for them. I would do <em> anything </em> for their sake.”</p><p>“If you get it, then why?” Maruki asks, his voice flittering out. “If you’re truly willing to do anything for them, then… Why? Why aren’t you accepting it? Why aren’t you accepting this reality?”</p><p>Joker pulls at his curls, wrapping his fingers around the strands of hair and pulling, pulling so hard that it hurts. He tugs at the roots, feeling the dull pain ring through his body. “It’s you who doesn’t get it, Maruki! This--this is the world they want, but it’s not the world that’s <em> right! </em>If you truly, truly love someone, if you truly want the best for them--you need to accept that it’s not always the easy way out! The road to hell is paved with good intentions, but what point is there in happiness if you haven’t known sadness?</p><p>“This world--this whole world, it’s all been crafted by <em> you! </em> It’s what <em> you </em> want, it’s what <em> you </em> think is right, it’s what <em> you </em> think is best for us, for all of us! It--it completely ignores everything! Everything we’ve been through, everything we’ve suffered through! It tramples on all the hardships we’ve faced and for <em> what, </em> huh?! Tell me, Maruki! Tell me! This world, this reality--it's just another game, isn't it? It's just another powerful being--another false god--dangling us on fucking <em> strings! </em></p><p>“All of this time--all of this time, this entire fucking time--from the beginning to the end I have kept quiet! I have bit down on my tongue, I have been a good little boy, I have done what you wanted and I have listened and listened and listened and I have helped you through, I have helped everything through everything so don’t you fucking dare tell me that I don’t understand! This--this world, handed to us on a silver platter! Like fucking--like fucking Yaldabaoth did! Because it’s all just a game, isn’t it! You think that as long as you can make people happy that it doesn’t matter what you’ve thrown away--is all of that hardship worthless, huh?! Is it fucking worthless to you, Maruki?!” </p><p>Maruki opens his mouth to speak but Joker takes another step forward, the clack of his heels echoing throughout the auditorium. His teeth are gritted, bared. Rage burns in his eyes.</p><p>“This is just us being controlled again. Controlled like puppets on strings. Because he wanted to test humanity! Because you want to do what you <em> think </em> we need! And you know what? You fucking know what? I am tired of it! I am sick and fucking tired of being treated like this, like a fucking child who doesn't understand anything, who need my hand held and needs to be spoonfed! I am <em> tired! </em> I am tired of it! I am so sick and fucking tired of it all, and you have the fucking <em> gall </em> to tell me <em>I</em> don't understand?" </p><p>"This--<em>this </em> is the world they all wanted, in the depths of their heart. Who the fuck am I to deny them that? And--and--do you think... Do you think I haven't realized there's more to this?” His voice cracks. He pauses, taking a breath. “False god though he may be, Yaldabaoth gave me the power to see the bonds I have formed. And… I know that there's more to this than what you're telling us."</p><p>Joker--no, Ren, looks over at Goro. Tears burn in his eyes. Tears of anger, of humiliation, of sorrow. Ren knows. He’s known, ever since that night. “On Christmas Eve, I knew. I knew that it... it couldn’t have been real. And I know it <em> isn’t </em> real. But I…”</p><p>When Goro offered to turn himself in, Ren knew. He knew that it wasn’t real. He understood immediately. </p><p>“But I wanted it to be.” </p><p>Maruki doesn’t say anything to this, but tears shine in his eyes. He doesn’t make a move to wipe away the tears that drip down his cheeks. Ren knows that the older man sees himself in him. </p><p>"And… as I was thinking about this, about all of this, I realized. I realized that I <em> want </em> this world to be real. But it's not. It's not. This isn't real, Maruki. This isn't the truth. This is--this world is a betrayal of the justice I believe in. The justice I've fought so hard for. The justice that I--that <em> we </em> believe in.”</p><p>Maruki doesn’t hide the sadness in his eyes. He doesn’t hide the pity, either. “But your friends--your <em> teammates</em>--they aren’t here, are they? Because they want this world…” </p><p>Ren shakes his head, gritting his teeth, feeling anger rush through him again. It felt like salt or lemon juice being rubbed into fresh wounds, still bleeding wounds. On their entire way through the Palace, and even before they had entered, Goro had the pleasure of reminding Ren every few minutes that his teammates weren’t here. That it was just them. That they had fallen prey to the blissful illusion of this reality. </p><p>“I told them I would be waiting for them.” Ren admits, wiping the tears off his cheeks. Across from him, Maruki does the same. He takes a shuddering breath, and steels himself, eyes clear. "I know that they wouldn't betray me. I <em> know </em> they wouldn't throw away everything for a future that isn't even real. I believe in them. I believe in my teammates. I believe in my <em> friends. </em> And, Maruki?</p><p>“I can’t accept this reality.” </p><p>Maruki’s face falls. </p><p>A gathering of blue light appears in front of Ren, a butterfly taking shape. He feels a smile tug at the corner of his lips, a voice deep within his heart echoing. Something warm, burning light fire, like a candle, or a fireplace, something warming him to his core. A familiar voice of rebellion echoing in his heart.</p><p>Crow grins. “Negotiations seem to have broken down.” </p><p>“...I see.” Maruki sighs, shaking his head. “Even after all of that, we still haven’t reached an understanding…”</p><p>Sumire shifts, her eyes cracking open. Her voice is quiet, desperate. “No…” She blinks. Once. Twice. Her undereye circles are so dark they’re nearly black. “You’re not serious, right? Please, senpai--I’m begging you! Please, let me live as Kasumi…”</p><p>“You can’t hide from the truth.” Joker answers, and she shakes her head.</p><p>“But--but why?! This pain is too much! Why can’t I just leave it behind me?! Kasumi is gone forever, and it’s all my--” She pauses, her eyes wide, her stance changed to something aggressive, something on guard. “It’s all Sumire’s fault! I can’t live that kind of life!”</p><p>And with a flash, her rebellion--her fighting spirit--has been reignited, her sword sheathed at her side. She takes a running start towards them, flipping, and landing gracefully on her feet. She reaches with her sword, although she grimaces with every movement. </p><p>“Please. Don’t try to stop me. If you do, then, I’ll…!”</p><p>“Are--are you serious?” Joker asks, his mask returned to its usual position on his face, “Don’t do this, Sumire.” </p><p>“I’m not Sumire! I won’t--I can’t go back to being her! I can’t be the girl who killed her sister, senpai, you have to--you have to understand! Senpai!”</p><p>Crow clicks his tongue. “How stubborn. No matter what you say to her, I doubt she’ll understand. I don’t think we have a choice in the matter, here. I could take care of it for you right now… But you’d prefer her to leave here alive, right? Just hurry up and end this, Joker.”</p><p>He gives a quick nod. “Okay.”</p><p>“Please,” Sumire begs, already wavering, barely standing. “Please don’t make me do this.”</p><p>Joker knew from the beginning of the fight--no, even before--from the second he saw her in that chair, he knew she didn’t have a chance against him. Not only did he have a significant amount more of experience, he also knew her weaknesses and her strengths… Not to mention he had the ability to switch around his masks. </p><p>She goes down quick. Her eyes widen with something like intimidation, something like fear when she sees Satanael towering behind Joker. But she doesn’t back town. She fights tooth and nail, she fights as hard as she can, all so she can run and hide from the truth. Ren had trouble faulting her for this, really. The truth was hard to face on its own--and her truth was particularly painful.</p><p>He didn’t blame her for wanting to run. It was easier that way, wasn’t it? But it wasn’t <em> right. </em> </p><p>Sumire falls to her knees. </p><p>“Looks like you lost.” Crow comments, tilting his chin up to properly, <em> properly </em> look down on her. </p><p>“Why…?” She mutters, voice cracked and worn with tears.</p><p>“Our fight’s over, Sumire. You need to stop.” He replies, kneeling down to meet her eyes properly, outstretching his hand. She stares down his red gloved hand.</p><p>“Senpai…” She looks down at the ground, her hand clenching tightly. She doesn’t take his hand. “No… I can’t, I can’t. I can’t go back to being Sumire. You saw it all for yourself, senpai… It’s all my fault that she… that my sister…” </p><p>“It’s not your fault.”</p><p>Sumire shakes her head, biting down on her lip so hard it bleeds. “Why don’t you understand?! Please, I <em> beg </em> you…” </p><p>"You're right." Ren says, staring deeply into her eyes, staring at the dark circles underneath and the creases and furrows in her brow, staring the way tears were shining in the corners of her eyes. She looks shocked, mouth open in surprise as he slips his gloved hands into his pockets. "I don't understand. And I'm not going to pretend like I do. I don't know what it's like to lose a family member the way you did. But I know what it feels like to think it's your fault that someone died." </p><p>"...Senpai..." Her eyes watch him carefully, and for a split second, dart over to Goro. Somehow, even though he hadn't said anything, it seemed like she understood. "This and that are different, aren't they? There's no way that what happened was your fault, but with Kasumi, it was all me..." </p><p>"And so what if it was?"</p><p>Sumire stops. "Huh?"</p><p>"So what if it was? Whether or not it was your fault, does that change anything? If it was your fault or not, Kasumi won't come back. And--if it really was your fault, do you think that running away and hiding is the best way to deal with the guilt? Do you really think your sins will vanish if you just run away from them? How long are you going to be able to keep running? And what about Kasumi?" </p><p>"I--"</p><p>"What makes you think that this is what Kasumi would have wanted for you? Do you think she wanted you to bury yourself in her, drown yourself in guilt over her death, regardless of whether or not it was her fault? Do you think your kind and loving sister would have wanted this for you? You've been spending so much time trying to be Kasumi, so shouldn't you of all people be able to figure out what she would say, here?! How long are you planning on running, Sumire?! Like this, you're forgetting who she really was, aren't you?" </p><p>"Kasumi... she wouldn't have wanted this for me... she wanted me... to stand with her..." Sumire stares down at her hands, eyes wide as tears spill down her cheeks. She shakes her head. "No, no, no--I can't... I can't take this... Even if it's not what she would have wanted, I can't..." </p><p>Maruki watches from a distance, a pained look on his face. “Yoshizawa-san…” He heaves a sigh, and begins to walk down the steps towards where the three of them stand. His footsteps echo through the auditorium, each step filled with intention.</p><p>Joker and Crow stand on guard.</p><p>The feathers continue to fall like snowflakes. Or raindrops, or perhaps hail, raining down upon them.</p><p>“I can give you strength,” He starts, arms wide. “So you don’t have to suffer.”</p><p>“Doctor…” Sumire says, voice just below a whisper.</p><p>“Tell me, if you want your pain to end… and if you desire to live as Kasumi, I’ll actualize it!” </p><p>At his words, the ground begins to shake and tremble. From the ground sprouts black tendrils, pulsing with a faint dark light, expanding and contracting with every second like they’re breathing, like they’re alive. They rise up from the ground, wrapping themselves around Sumire’s wrists and ankles, hoisting her up into the air. </p><p>She writhes and screams as a flash of electricity runs up the tendrils that curl around her. Her pained cries fill the auditorium, and in a flash of light, her mask disappears. Sumire’s eyes fall shut. Cendrillon, now dyed bright red, lifts her head to look forward at the thieves.</p><p>Crow’s eyes widen, his teeth gritted. “Did he--?!” </p><p>“Sadly, she has lost sight of herself. She’s in pain. Now, be her guide… and together, escape from this nightmare!” The tendrils curl up behind him, surrounding him, following his every word, his every action.</p><p>Cendrillon begins to thrash, grasping her head with her hands, digging her fingernails into her temples. “No, I--I can’t! I don’t want to go back to my life in cinders ever again!” She steels herself, a whirlwind of red and black surrounding her. </p><p>Joker bites his lip, glancing over at Crow, who’s shaking his head.</p><p>“What the hell… This so-called ‘kindness’ of his <em> disgusts </em> me,” He looks over to Joker, and they make eye contact, nodding at each other. Despite everything they’d been through, right now, they were on the same page, on the same wavelength. Their movements, their actions, their thoughts--they were completely and utterly in sync. “Let’s end this quick.” </p><p>“I <em> refuse </em> to go back! I’m happy here--this is where I belong!</p><p>They were the same as their Personas--all of them. Cendrillon shared Sumire’s grace, her fierce battle powers and natural instinct for all things physical… but she also shared Sumire’s desperation, and her <em>exhaustion.</em> Even when she repeatedly consumed the artificial Shadows Maruki summoned, she couldn’t heal fast enough. She couldn’t stand up to them.</p><p>But Maruki could. And so Cendrillon kept standing up again and again. Her arms outstretched, she hysterically screams at the pair of thieves, her voice strained and frantic. “I refuse to return! I will <em> never </em> return to being such pathetic, soot-coated <em> garbage! </em>” </p><p>“You can’t tell?” Maruki asks, distraught. “It’s her refusal to accept the truth.”</p><p>Crow slams his foot into the ground, forcefully keeping his balance. He clicks his tongue. “We can’t afford to waste time with this shit! How are we supposed to keep going like this?! What utter fucking bullshit--”</p><p>Cendrillon leans her head back, a blood-curdling scream erupting from her mouth like lava from a volcano. She screeches, getting ready to lunge herself forward at them again. She raises her fist--</p><p>Footsteps. Tons of them. Familiar footsteps, and a familiar voice lets out a boisterous laugh from behind Crow and Joker. “I don’t think so!”</p><p>A figure clad in black runs forward, dashing in front of the pair, arms guarding himself as Cendrillon throws an attack his way, numerous slashes thrown his way. He grins, and lets out a laugh.</p><p>Joker feels his heart pound erratically in his chest, a grin beginning to stretch across his face. </p><p>“Damn it, Skull!” Another familiar voice says, and Joker feels like he’s walking on air. “I told you not to rush in by yourself like that!”</p><p>“At least it seems to work out in our favor,” Another voice says, and Joker can’t resist the urge to turn around. They’re here. All of them. His Phantom Thieves, his team, his place to belong, his <em> home. </em> They’re here.</p><p>Joker doesn’t even bother to try and conceal the wide smile on his face. He takes all of them in. They’re all clad in their Phantom Thief attire, their rebellious hearts burning bright once more. </p><p><em> “I’ll be waiting for you,” </em> Ren had said, to each and every one of them. And the words had hung heavy on his tongue and lurked there, the aftertaste like bitter medicine, dripping down his throat as slow and as steady as molasses. He had kept eye contact with all of them, lowering his gaze, steel grey eyes meeting theirs. He hadn’t looked away. <em> “I’ll be waiting for you,” </em> He had said.</p><p>And there they were.</p><p>“You came.” Is all he can say.</p><p>Fox shoots him a smile. “Our apologies for making you wait so long.”</p><p>The Phantom Thieves voice their confusion upon seeing Joker’s company--and rightfully so. And once they’ve taken in Akechi and Maruki, they see Sumire hoisted by her own Persona, who’s running rampant, evident in the way she attacked them earlier. </p><p>“Yoshizawa’s trapped by--why’s her Persona doing this?!” He looks over at Joker, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. “What in the world is going on here?!”</p><p>Skull shakes his head, gripping his weapon tightly in his fists. “So much of this shit makes no fuckin’ sense, but we’ll cover it later! We’ve gotta stop her first--right, Joker?”</p><p>He gives a nod. </p><p>“Alright,” Mona calls. “Let’s get in formation!”</p><p>They’re here. They’re here. They’re here, they’re here, they’re here, they’re here, they’re here!</p><p>Despite the battle folding out in between them, Joker feels his heart pound. It feels so full, so warm--it feels like, it feels like--</p><p>His breath catches. His mask--it’s stuck. It’s stuck on like it’s part of his skin. The initial awakening hurt like hell, but ripping away your mask got easier and less painful with time. It got easier, it got better. But--but this, but this--</p><p>A voice rings out in Ren’s head. Two voices. Ones he knows, because they’re--they’re his, they’re his voices, the manifestations of his soul--</p><p>He digs his fingers underneath his mask, feeling his breathing start to pick up. It’s stifling, wearing this mask. It hurts. He needs it gone, he needs it gone, he needs to rip it off, he needs to be free--</p><p>He gasps in as much air as he can. It’s like he can’t breathe at all. Voices echo in his head and words begin to form, the letters taking shape, jumbling around in one order and then another. Like each letter was a piece of a puzzle, and with each passing second it begins to make more and more sense. The picture is finally visible. The voices are finally audible.</p><p>It’s in Japanese. It’s in English. It’s in French. It’s all of those languages and more, it’s every language, it’s none at all. Ren doesn’t even know a majority of these languages, but he can understand each and every word. </p><p>Arsène’s voice rings in his ears, low and deep, like velvet, or decadent melted chocolate. It sounds like he’s smiling. It sounds like he’s proud. “You would commit any sin for the sake of your justice.”</p><p>Satanael’s voice joins, smooth like silk and gleaming as bright as stars. “But when faced with ripping away the most desired, unreachable future of those you care for the most, you did not hesitate."</p><p>Ren takes another desperate breath. He needs air. It’s like his throat had been plugged with cotton.</p><p>Their voices merge together, synchronizing, harmonizing. It’s far too loud and far too quiet at the same time. It’s all too much and all too little. It’s every emotion at once, overlapping, overwhelming. </p><p>“Thou who would commit all sacrilegious acts for thine own justice…”</p><p>“You who would slay gods to protect the justice you believe in..."</p><p>Ren slips his fingers under his mask, feeling his teammates, feeling Maruki’s eyes on him. He can feel the eyes of everyone in the auditorium watching him writhe, as he starts to pull the mask off his face once more. His heart is beating so fast, it’s like it’s not beating at all.</p><p>"You have gained the strength of will to seek the truth. And with it, the power to protect the ones you love. To protect the justice you believe in… to protect the justice you fought so desperately for... For the sake of the ones you love, your hands will be dyed blood red, a stain that shall not fade, even with time! But you know this, intimately, and as such... Very well, walk your chosen path without fear of mistake!"</p><p>Ren rips his mask off, blood streaming down his face like water from a broken dam. Bright blue, boiling hot flames consume him, catching the fallen feathers aflame and as the ashes descend upon them, Joker, renewed, reborn, stands with a wide grin on his face and a new blade clenched in his hands. He rejected the utopia so readily offered to him, and his reward is not only the Paradise Lost now clutched in his red gloved hands…</p><p>“Come! <em> Raoul! </em>”</p><p>But the being floating above him, clad in a bright red coat, a fashionable hat, heels so sharp they’re deadly, a pair of mechanical bat wings cutting through the air. The being takes a drag of the cigarette resting loosely in his hands, the smoke rising up, swirling, taking shape.  </p><p>“That’s--!” Mona gasps, his eyes wide with shock and amazement. “He awakened to a new Persona--could it be, is that--Arsène’s true form?!” </p><p>Joker laughs, loud and boisterous. The feeling is exhilarating, and he turns his head to flash a broad, distinctly feral grin at the Phantom Thieves. He turns his back again, secure in the fact that they were right behind him. He takes a step forward, his coattails fluttering with his movements. He walks forward with a purpose, with intention. He walks forward without fear nor hesitation, and raises his hand in the air, snapping his fingers with a dramatic flourish. </p><p>
  <em> “It’s Showtime!” </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>"wait why'd you stop right there, author?" because i hate writing fight scenes. next question</p><p>god. okay. so. maruki might be my favorite type of villain, and also is now one of the persona villains that has a Fucking Vice Grip on my heart (the other is yaldabaoth, because i'm predictable), but i think so much of the stuff with him could have been Crunchier, you know. it could have hurt more. granted, that's asking a lot of atlus, but you know.</p><p>in any case, writing this was cathartic. i wish they let protag go apeshit more. i know why they Don't, since he's meant to be an insert for the player and all but i just think it'd be neat if akiren was allowed to be a little bit unhinged. as a treat</p><p>i just think it kind of sucks for him that, you know, every mentor/just in general Adult Figure akiren either used him for their own ends, one way or the other, or betrayed him or Both. honestly i'd be pretty fucking pissed too. like, first all of that stuff with yaldy, and THEN all the shit with maruki? imagine being protag. imagine kind of finding an adult figure to trust and you think he means well (and he does), and he's a counselor and shit? and then... And Then, he realizes that maruki's just another adult in one long conga line of "i will do what i want for my own reasons", and despite those reasons being... Good, to an extent, i imagine protag would feel pretty betrayed. </p><p>i mean, if you think about it, just his Entire journey from start to finish has been betrayal after betrayal. first by the law, then by his parents, then by his town and his school, then by shujin, then by sojiro, then by just, akechi, yaldabaoth, maruki? i would be so fucking mad, you know? at some point you just snap. especially someone like protag, who Needs to restrain his emotion and hold it back, lest it blow up in his face. But Not This Time. no emotional repression here, just white-hot rage.</p><p>yeah okay anyways all of that aside (checks pocket watch) 6am and i haven't slept so if you saw any mistakes just ignore them, i'll fix them whenever i'm awake again! in any case, i hope you enjoyed, and if you did, feel free to leave a kudo, comment, or hmu on twitter @yumekuikenbun! i'm always locked but feel free to req, though it might take me some time to notice said req lol</p><p>ps: if you're wondering about tstbh (to steal thy blasphemous heart, aka palace au), it's still in the works! i've just been having a Time, and sometimes you just can't write the things you want to write, and end up writing something... completely different, hah</p><p>i might make this (gestures at this fic) into some sort of series/collection of just, stuff i think royal should have had but didn't. i don't know what else i would put in there but i'm sure there's something or other. it's just 6am right now and my brain don't work</p><p>as always, thank you for reading! i'll see you next time... whenever that is, lol</p></blockquote></div></div>
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